Effortless, natural.

I've always wondered how it feels like to be someone so smart that everything felt only natural. Everything, from spontaneous public speaking to acing exams. I mean, really, all of us secretly hope that we're like that. But for me, I sort of accept the fact that I'm not. No matter how much those motivational gimmicks and blind faiths say, things are not fine.

Yes, yes, I can hear you motivators saying "if you believe that you're not, then you'll never be!" Seriously, man. Try hitting the same fucking brick wall over, over and over again. Try witnessing others, who put in less effort, breaking through that wall, while you simply can't. It's a well-played prank, really. Sometimes I wish it's all just a dream; that I'll wake up to a better truth.

Maybe one day I'll run out of bad luck. I'd like to believe that, at least.

And in the mean time, the show must go on.

Btw, just to clarify--I'm not mad at God. I'm mad at myself.